NAKED JESUS BAND

KICKS IN '06
[UPCOMING SHOWS]

No scheduled shows

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The Documentary
by Mike Scholtz

click on photo to play

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THE ALBUM

"The NUDE TESTAMENT"

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MUSIC
(from the album)

new! Chemical Toilet

new! Balls on a Hot Bottle

new! Monkeypox in Zoomtown

Yellow Cake Yum Buns

Elephant Feet

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LINKS

Terminal Bar – (NJ's Home Stage)

Myspace.com (our site)

The Poop Report

WeFest

Devil's Workshop

Exiled on Main Street

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In 1990, under the ominous shadow of Fargo, ND, in the small, backward village of Zoomtown, NAKED JESUS was born. Soon a fresh new rock-n-roll "movement" was covering the land. 'Twas the birth of FECAL ROCK. Unfortunately, the members of NAKED JESUS soon realized that the glamour of rock-n-roll domination comes at a heavy price. The lure of fast cars, loose women and designer drugs caused the band to seek seclusion after successfully conquering the Fargo-Zoomtown college radio waves. BUT, in 2003, NAKED JESUS was resurrected. Fellow Zoomtown alum, GARK Muggins replaced Typhoid Mary on guitar and the band recorded their first EP in over a decade. Armed with new material and a Canadian prescription of Viagra, NAKED JESUS entered the studio to record their first full length, major label release. The "NUDE TESTAMENT" was released in November 2004. For two thousand years people have waited for the "man" to come. Maybe he didn't return in the form of a man, rather a band. With the return of NAKED JESUS, heaven is here on earth.
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THIS SECTION IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION.
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PHOTOS

The First Live Show > June 03, 2003

Poster Offensive Show > February 27, 2004

All Saints Show > Nov 03, 2003

THE NEWS
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June 30, 2006

Naked Jesus' music was recently featured in a short film as part of the "48 Hour Film Project". The film, produced by Mike Scholtz, took home an award for "Best Music Score" in a film titled "Conversion Van". It can be viewed at You Tube or freerangefilm.com.

In other news: GARK Muggins may be quitting the band.

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THE BAND

Lead Vocals:
Akhenaten

Left Speaker Guitar:
GARK Muggins

Right Speaker Guitar:
Jack O. Spades

Bass Guitar:
Snake

Skins:
Shark Tooth

@#*% Guitar:
Typhoid Mary
(not pictured)

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BallsCAST

Our very first podcast!
We apologize in advance.

http://nakedjesus.com/ballscast_1.mp3

LYRICS

MOOSHY Behold the mooshy melody screams beyond crude thoughts beyond dark dreams. The message from above rattles your skull as your trapped by a rerun, Martin Mull. Triskadekaphobia is the newest game, we're in this for the drugs and sex not for any fame. We put our mooshy to the test, we defecate upon WE Fest.

LET'S GET THE BOWELS ROLLIN' Let’s get the bowels rollin’ rolled up in a ball, sniff it, smell it, love it, live it, It's only natural to hear the call Let’s get the bowels rollin'–Let’s get the bowels rollin’ morning paper just arrived wipe it, swipe it, taste it, waste it, Oh huh uhh feel so alive Let’s get the bowels rollin’ –Let’s get the bowels rollin’ and set the stool loose push it, trust it, rush it, flush it, hey now your full of juice Let’s get the bowels rollin'

YELLOW CAKE YUM BUNS I was searching for a recipe, it sent me all the way to Zimbabwe. Through the jungles and rivers I looked I had to beat a Congo snake with my boot. You see this food taste so good, while taking the weight off while you stood. One bite and it will drive you wild, mixing well with your bile. –This is why we've been using our guns for the the taste of Yellow Cake Yum Buns. Chewy good taste in my mouth, same time my hairs falling out, losing weight looking real great, if I could only figure out why my fingers count eight–. I asked Donny where I should go, he sent me to Wolfie with Richy P. in tow. Brought some oven mitts and pans with me too and a bottle of Tums in case I should spew. They'll be ready in 45 flat if I had some flour I would bake 'em stat. Don't need no oven light to see how they're taking cause they glow in the dark while they're bakin'.

THE BALLAD OF SILLY WILLY Willy was a silly boy, love with a glove he did adore. Buying mags at the corner store, pissing on his mothers floor. –Bastards will rise, will reign the fuckin' skies, Is sad to see when babes cry, together we all will rise–. That boy he couldn't ignore their hooters spent hours with the local looters. He'll waste you if you look at him. He'll break your every God made limb. One day Willy was sent away world sick of the games he played, Stuck in a hole in Ohio, never seen again Oh my oh.

MONKEYPOX IN ZOOMTOWN Grew up on the river, where the sewage all runs north, when it floods the air is stinky but it's better than a farm in Morris. Our neighbors across the river, they look like you and me, but they're all blue bellied devils that buy their clothes at DeLendrecie's. –Fever fell on Fargo just the other day My brother cried tears of sorrow The day they took the prairie dogs away.– The whole town got together to come up with a plan after hours and hours of boozin' we went to Ivan’s animal lab we tore the cages wide open shuffled prairie dogs into a box Shouted Fargo you bastards we’re gonna give ya’ll the monkeypox. All the people in Zoomtown let out a victorious cheer. While you're all busy itchin' we're gonna steal all of Lauerman's beer. Well up here the breeze blows eastward and when your pissin' into the wind, Fortune has a way of turnin' an splashin' right back onto your chin. The moral to this story is never put down that drink cause Ralph's doesn't close till Sunday It'll give you 24 hours to think.

CHEMICAL TOILET Another fuzzy minded morning with a tinkle in my thigh lambchops are my breakfast this routine makes me cry surround by my girlfriend and the mop she calls her hair java fever comes on quickly bowels below beware –Chemical oil meets my Chemical boil learn to enjoy it Chemical toilet.– Hardhat worker’s at my doorstep he’s near my morning paper, means very little harm He’s just trying to close his gaper. Now the pavements getting hotter and heat just hit my face no welcome back for Kotter a log cabin built in haste. –Chemical oil meets my Chemical boil learn to enjoy it Chemical toilet.– yeh!? drop another...all together now... droppin' fever...keep em coming now...drop ‘em all Yeh! Yeh! Yeh!!

LIME JELLO SHOES I'm a snake charmer and I like to fight, I'll never stop truckin' through the night, like a falling clown hit by a bat when my tummy starts a rumbling I seek out a snack –I need booze to drown out the smell lime jello shoes orthopedic as hell– Slippin' and slidin' don’t give a damn, you offer a salad but I’m takin’ a ham. Extreme displays of hair are honey to my fly don’t ask your permission just that kind of guy. My feet are weary there's no soap in sight, I’m weak and I’m getting weaker, my smell is clearing the room tonight feel like a pump but I look like a sneaker.

SOFT CHEESE Slippin’ through your finger drippin’ on your shoes, get your engines running, tell all your friends the news. We got big fast tires and bricks of camembert, pistons pump the curds, we’ll fill your underwear –V8 woman makes my motor seize internalized combustion is ready for the cheese– We start out with the milking make sure it’s freshly squeezed we set it on the shelf now and pray for no disease. My throbbing engines running hot, it’s coming to a boil. The cheese we make improves with age, it’s never gonna spoil.

BRAIN FOR SALE Gotta telephone bone growing to my head, got a jar of m&m's but none of them are red, got a see vision head wrap that turns my eyes to jelly got a funny little hunger gnawing in my belly. –Brain for sale 19.95–. Got a fountain pen full of 100 proof liquor, got loud wall paper only makes me sicker. Got a tan line that defies all reason got a pick up line for every fuckin' season. –Brain for sale 19.95–

ELEPHANT FEET They crushed my mom they crushed my dad, they crushed every friend that I ever had. I have several guns but I think I need more they'll never be save from fucking Tantor. –I seldom ever feel save on the street, I am forever chased by Elephant feet.– My blood is racing my face is flushed and moment now I may be crushed. I see them coming through the night deadly tusks gleaming bright. Up ahead by the garbage can, false alarm it's Ed Mcmahon. They're big and loud and smell real bad when they crush the babes it makes me mad.

BALLS ON A HOT BOTTLE That dog can chew a bone, Dude his mind is really blown, he flies to foreign lands trying to find a band. Nude beach is really hot when you give it all you got, the lotion feels so cool mixed with bubbles in the pool. –Balls on a Hot Bottle.– This chick is really great, he loves to dine on steak, If love could be defined it wouldn't be the human kind. Well now it should be clear its all about the beer, there's a fire down below as balls on glass will show. –Balls on a Hot Bottle–.

KEEP THE BABES ALIVE Your chest is pressed upon my face it's finally found it's place, outside the winds a lonely sound, it reminds me of the things I'd never found. Keep the Babes Alive (3x) Don't let 'em Die. Once I squandered everything I owned for the girl next door who I nearly boned. These things remind me of the times once past, now brace yourself for you my loving blast. And I want to see you everywhere as soon as I escape from nowhere this world is full of really nasty things like us, like you, like tiny little dings. Keep the Babes Alive....